As many of you know I was in a 14-year long relationship and some are wondering why for a year now, my Facebook looks like a single lady’s timeline. So, to put it out there, it’s because the relationship ended last year. I wouldn’t be going into details as to why it’s over but instead, I’d like to share my thoughts on how to get over a break-up.
A lot of people expected us to end up together. Who would’t? We’ve been together for half our lives and so a lot of people have also asked how I was when it ended. Well…like every other person experiencing a break-up, regardless of who broke it off and how long you’ve been together, it was difficult. But I’m lucky to have overcome it. So let me tell you this.
Contrary to what you may feel, it’s not the end of the world. Sure, the road ahead feels all blurry and uncertain, especially when all your plans revolved around a future with both of you ending up together. You may feel like you don’t know where to start or what to do anymore, coz now all those previous plans are down the drain. But that doesn’t mean you can’t make new plans. You just have to make plans of your own now. Just remember, you are in control; of your mindset, your emotions, your actions and your future. So from here on out, it’s all on you to make your amazing future happen.
You may feel lonely at times, and that’s normal; for the most part when everything is still fresh. But you are definitely not alone. You have friends and family who loves you. So spend time with them. Do the things that you don’t usually have time to do with them. Strengthen your relationships, and discover more about yourself through other people. Be with people who inspires you to accomplish more. Be a better version of you by learning from others, and while you’re at it, inspire others too.
When we broke up, I felt sad, confused and I even second guessed my decisions. And for me, it’s okay to allow myself to feel that way. Of course there were times I felt like, “sayang”, but I never allowed myself to feel bitter. Bitterness and going around in circles resenting the bad times will only pull you back from moving on. Some may also be derailed by the thought of not having closure. But I think you don’t have to wait and rely on the other person to get the closure you need. You can attain it yourself by accepting that the relationship ended for a reason and that it’s just not meant to be. Do not obsess over what went wrong instead focus on the things you can learn from it. Pick yourself up and make the decision to take this time to cultivate yourself and grow. Regroup to take all the dreams and visions you may have set aside in a while and put them into actions. Push yourself to do more to reap the benefits which can even be more than what you sow.
When you are in a relationship, your attention can easily shift from yourself to the relationship. You think more about how you can make your partner happy, or what is best for you both . So it’s not often that you can really focus on yourself and what you love to do. So this is your perfect time.
I made sure to take that time to my advantage. I allotted ample time on managing my online shops; The Perfume Emporium,selling branded perfumes, The Watch Portal, selling luxury watches and Diseño, selling apparels and more. I even started my own organic cosmetic line, BeautéWorks Organique, early this year. It has made me busy and at the same time helped me work on being financially stable, having more self worth and becoming more confident in myself and what I’m capable of. For you it may not be business, it can be taking up a class, traveling with friends or getting the car you have always wanted. Whatever it may be, do something for yourself. Not because you need to take your mind off things but because it feels good to prioritize yourself among others and NO, you should not feel guilty for doing it coz it is not selfish to put yourself first.
Being single is not a problem that needs to be fixed. It doesn’t equate to sadness or being unhappy. It’s not an unfortunate situation either, so you should never feel like you lack something just because your are single. You don’t always need a partner for you to be happy. So don’t rush into another relationship just because you feel lonely. Feeling lonely after a break up is normal but understand that you don’t need someone else to take care of you, to make you feel happy and special or for you to even enjoy eating out, watching a movie, and have travel goals. If you haven’t realized it yet, you can do all that even without a partner. I’m not saying that you should just be single forever. But take your time to grieve, mend and flourish. When the time is right, you’ll find someone. Don’t rush yourself into another relationship because you feel like you need a partner to make each day better. Coz you don’t. You decide how your day goes. You either allow things to go sideways, or you take control and take the turn to be happy.
You are stronger than you think. And you are capable of doing a lot more things than you have imagined. Trust me, in my 32 years of existence, there are a lot of things that I’m very proud to have done and achieved in the last year, that I never thought I’m good at 2 years ago. So don’t wallow too much in nostalgia. The best is yet to come. Make sure you’re ready for it! Or better yet, Make it happen.